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In the countless times that I’ve assisted people with a breakup, I’ve noticed one common misperception made by nearly all of them. They had all made an effort to entirely avoid the other partner involved with the uncoupling. But over time, during their initial breakup attempts, most people gave into the temptation to contact their ex-partner. Some even looked for any given reason to contact their ex. However, after they had initiated contact with their ex, they felt that they had let themselves down by giving into the temptation. Yet, this feeling of failure is often unwarranted. Ask your self, what constitutes “progress” during the breakup phase? 

As we discussed in the section / chapters on enduring a breakup, when a person negotiates through a breakup, they are likely to engage in seemingly confusing and contradictory behavior. Namely, they will feel attracted to someone one moment, and then at other times they will feel repulsed by them. Unfortunately, this is par for the course. The problem is that people often feel as though they need to make a clean break from their ex. Thus, whenever they go back near the other person involved, or perhaps give into temptation and initiate contact with said person, they feel as like a failure for doing so. Nothing could be further from the truth. 

What Is Considered Progress? It’s All About the Net Gains.