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Phase One
“I am over her. I haven’t thought about her in thirty-nine days.”
– College friend (If you’re still counting the days, you still have some time to go.)
Phase Two
“Change will not occur until the pain of change becomes less than the pain of remaining the same.”
– Tony Robbins
Phase Three
“Frankly my dear, I don’t give a damn!”
– Rhett Butler
Breakups progress through three distinct stages / phases. According to some doctors; there are five distinct stages of grief the majority of individuals will experience. These stages include denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance. The stages of grief were originally outlined in a book called On Death and Dying, written by psychiatrist, Elisabeth Kübler-Ross, in 1969. The Elisabeth Kübler-Ross model originally cited 5 stages of grief. Kübler-Ross’s model has been expanded to include 2 additional stages in the grief process.
For our purposes, I suggest that there are three distinct phases of grief associated with a breakup. The five described by Kübler-Ross can be subsumed into these three, as can be the list of seven proposed by others. The three stages I propose are Denial; Facing the Facts; and Moving On. These phases will be discussed in much more detail in the chapter The Three Stages of a Breakup: Denial, Acceptance, Empowerment.
Below the three phases are described in more detail using more examples to help illustrate the details and meanings each has for the person undergoing the breakup.
PHASE ONE
Theme: Denial: This ain’t really happening.
Focus: Winning them back.
Catch Phrase: “Wait until you see what you’re missing!”
PHASE TWO
Theme: Acceptance: Facing the fact that your relationship is broken.
Focus: Out with the old; in with the new: It’s only a matter of time.
Catch Phrase: “I can’t keep doing this. Something’s got to give.”
PHASE THREE
Theme: Empowerment: Moving on and reaching closure.
Focus: You had your chance.
Catch Phrase: “I Will Survive.”
During Phase One, your mind will be obsessed with recovering the past.
During Phase Two, your mind will be conflicted. Your head will be telling you to move on. But your heart will be telling you to keep hanging on; that reconciliation may be just around the corner. Your heart will lag behind your head. This phenomenon will make you feel great one minute, and then feel crappy the next. Realistically, your brain can’t live and survive in both of these opposing camps. Thus, you will have to make up your mind to help alleviate this constant nagging struggle.
During Phase Three, you will have reached a point where you will feel liberated. You will know when you reach closure when you begin asking yourself, “What the hell did I even see in him?”
Click on these links to view pages on each stage.
[1] Phase One
[2] Phase Two
[3] Phase Three
